"I want to meet myself
from someone else’s point of view."
"I really need to learn the difference between being hungry and being bored..."
"Success is like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were f**ked before you got there."
"When I cross a one way road, I still look both sides. Just in case, there are any women driving."
"Not sure if children’s cartoons are getting weirder or I’m getting older and more sensible."
"Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched “ninjas”. The computer told me “Ninjas cannot be found”. Well played ninjas well played!"
"People tend to confess everything during late night text message conversations."
"I’m painting a blue square in my backyard. So that Google Earth thinks I have a pool."
"I can hear Monday morning already whispering “go f**k yourself” into my ear."
"If actions speak louder than words, then I am going to slap your mouth shut, then I won’t have to listen to anymore bullshit!"
"That moment when you do a maths problem and your answer isn’t one of the few choices."
"Me? Jealous? hahahahahahaha Yes!"
"We are at that point in our friendship where you should realize that we don’t have one."
"That awkward moment when two people start a conversation on your facebook status."
"Internet explorer the number one browser for downloading a better browser."
"If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why are there no hot chocolate trucks in the winter?"