Funny Quotes

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.
She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"

"Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours."

"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'"

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."
Funny quotes