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Showing posts with label funny quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny quotes. Show all posts

How I learned to dance - funny quotes

Quotes to make you laugh

Didn't go to the gym today but . . . the cashier's name at Mc Donalds was Jim. Sooo. Same thing.


Photograph of Bob Hope
"I grew up with six brothers. 
That’s how I learned to dance –waiting for the bathroom."

- Bob Hope








"Next week I'm going on a diet, 
you can buy me jewelry instead of chocolate."
- Anonymous




I never apologize. 
I’m sorry, 
but that’s just the way I am.. 
- Anonymous


"If you even dream of beating me 
you’d better wake up and apologize."
A photograph of Muhammad Ali

- Muhammad Ali




"No man has a good enough memory 
to be a successful liar." 
Abraham Lincoln photo

- Abraham Lincoln





"It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. 
They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane."

- June Henderson





"You want a friend in Washington? 
Get a dog."
A photograph of Harry S. Truman

- Harry S. Truman





"At every party, there are two kinds of people 
those who want to go home 
and those who don’t. 
The trouble is, they are usually married to each other."
Photograph of Ann Landers

- Ann Landers

 

Short hilarious quotes

#love #instagood #photooftheday #Beautiful 

#fashion #happy #follow 

#followme #picoftheday #like4like #fun


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hilarious quotes and one liners


Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station, almost 5.00/gallon.

— Unknown


“I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.”
— Unknown

#quote #quotes #quoteoftheday #InstaQuote #lifequotes #inspirationalquotes #motivationalquotes #lovequotes #quotestoliveby #instaquotes #SuccessQuotes #quotestagram #sadquotes #Dailyquotes #quotestags #dailyquote #tumblrquotes #quotesoftheday #lovequote #motivationalquote #lifequote #depressionquotes #inspirationalquote #funnyquotes #positivequotes #quotesdaily #relationshipquotes #depressedquotes #quotesaboutlife #bestquotes

funny quotation

“They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck…”
— Unknown

“I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.”
— John Mayer

#quote #quotes #quoteoftheday #InstaQuote #lifequotes #inspirationalquotes #motivationalquotes #lovequotes #quotestoliveby #instaquotes #SuccessQuotes #quotestagram #sadquotes #Dailyquotes #quotestags #dailyquote #tumblrquotes #quotesoftheday #lovequote #motivationalquote #lifequote #depressionquotes #inspirationalquote #funnyquotes #positivequotes #quotesdaily #relationshipquotes #depressedquotes #quotesaboutlife #bestquotes

Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.
— Unknown

“Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don’t like.”
— Unknown


 

Quotes for laughs

Just for laughs quotes | just for laughs funny quotes

#Laughs #instalaughs #justforlaughs #goodlaughs #sexualaughs #lotsoflaughs #bellylaughs #forlaughs #tagsforlaughs #laughsfordays #selfiesticklaughs #livelaughsavesd #24HrLaughs #ToManyLaughs #somanylaughs #loveandlaughs #followforlaughs #morninglaughs #evillaughs #iglaughs #laughsoverlooks #laughsbruh #justlaughs #babylaughsarethebest #kissesandlaughs #manplansgodlaughs #sundaylaughs #laughswereshared #laughsdfordays #morelaughs


“Calm your tits, pussycat.” 
― Ella Dominguez, The Art of Control

“I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life.” 
― Anyta Sunday, Noticed Me Yet?

“There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway.” 
― Tammy Blackwell

funny quotes that make you laugh | quotes to make someone laugh

#Laughs #instalaughs #justforlaughs #goodlaughs #sexualaughs #lotsoflaughs #bellylaughs #forlaughs #tagsforlaughs #laughsfordays #selfiesticklaughs #livelaughsavesd #24HrLaughs #ToManyLaughs #somanylaughs #loveandlaughs #followforlaughs #morninglaughs #evillaughs #iglaughs #laughsoverlooks #laughsbruh #justlaughs #babylaughsarethebest #kissesandlaughs #manplansgodlaughs #sundaylaughs #laughswereshared #laughsdfordays #morelaughs

“I've decided I don't like books that end with 'The End'. The fact that there are no more pages, suggests to me that the book has ended.” 
― Wayne Gerard Trotman

“No punching?" he asked.
"No."
"No kicking?"
"No."
"How about arm wrestling?"
"No. And before you ask, we've avoided Slug Bug, Slap Bets, and any and all Dance-Offs."
― Tammy Blackwell


Sayings that make you laugh | laughter quote

#Laughs #instalaughs #justforlaughs #goodlaughs #sexualaughs #lotsoflaughs #bellylaughs #forlaughs #tagsforlaughs #laughsfordays #selfiesticklaughs #livelaughsavesd #24HrLaughs #ToManyLaughs #somanylaughs #loveandlaughs #followforlaughs #morninglaughs #evillaughs #iglaughs #laughsoverlooks #laughsbruh #justlaughs #babylaughsarethebest #kissesandlaughs #manplansgodlaughs #sundaylaughs #laughswereshared #laughsdfordays #morelaughs

“I'd like to lose enough weight so that my bones creaked louder than the floor”
― Stanley Victor Paskavich

 
 
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